When it comes to public creative expressions like singing, dancing and playing music, my motivation is not to delight, but to disappear.
The goal is not entertainment, it’s abandonment.
And this isn’t about looking cool and impressing others, this is about going to another place and pouring myself out.
It’s just the way my expressive function works. Completely process oriented and internally focused. My art is a temple of one.
Reminds me of a friend’s bachelor party from years ago. It must have been about four in the morning. My friends had all passed out drunk in in their chairs. But me, the only sober guy in the entire club, was still on the dance floor, grooving hard. Covered in sweat, completely oblivious, lost in my trance, I suddenly came back to earth for a moment and realized three things.
1. Nobody else was dancing.
2. No music was playing.
3. The bar staff was cleaning up.
This moment perfectly characterizes my approach to the act of creative expression.
Disappearance, abandonment and liberation. It’s not right or wrong, it’s not good or bad, it’s just that for me, there is no other way to do it.
Nolan’s original script for his first movie comes to mind. Leonard is a man who juggles searching for his wife’s murderer with keeping his short term memory loss from being an obstacle. In the film’s closing monologue, the voice in his head says this:
It’s not so much that you’ve lost your faith in time, as that time has lost its faith in you. Time is three things for most people, but for you, for us, just one. A singularity. One moment. This moment. Like you’re the center of the clock, the axis on which the hands turn. Time moves about you but never moves you. It has lost its ability to affect you. What is it they say? Time is theft? But not for you. Close your eyes and you can start all over again. Conjure up that necessary emotion, fresh as roses. Time is an absurdity. An abstraction. The only thing that matters is this moment. This moment a million times over. You have to trust me. If this moment is repeated enough, if you keep trying, and you have to keep trying, eventually you will come across the next item on your list.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What kind of relationship do you have with the present moment?
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